It’s subtle, but I can tell it’s beginning. It shows in the slight definition under my cheekbones, the increasing tightness in my waist, the loosening of my clothes. It reveals itself in the way that my normally strained stretch marks are starting to wrinkle and deflate.
I’m beginning to lose weight again.
It’s not obvious on the scale yet, but when you are a person of my size and history, that usually doesn’t come for awhile. Not until after the muscle mass builds itself back up again and stops skewing the scale.
I haven’t started to panic yet. It’s still not noticeable to others, so I haven’t started receiving comments asking me if I’m losing weight, or telling me that I’m looking better.
I don’t need or want to hear that shit.
If I lose weight, I am aware of it. It is not something I want to hear about from acquaintances.
Let me be very clear about this: I do not consider congratulations about losing weight to be complimentary.
Because… there is nothing inherently bad about being fat.
Touching on my own history, I’ve always been thick, but didn’t get truly big until I developed a drinking problem. I gained more than a hundred pounds incredibly rapidly. I have some truly spectacular stretch marks.
I’ve also always been suicidal to some extent. Why is this relevant? Someone that has no interest in living, will have very little interest in self care. Why would someone who has no expectation of a future waste their time on diet and exercise?
Now, in a truly unexpected turn, I am no longer on antidepressants, since my psychiatrist believes that I have cleared that hurdle and now need to simply focus on my treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder. No longer being able to view myself as depressed is strange and scary. Depression may have been miserable, but it was my whole life, familiar and comfortable. Now I’m finding that I lack the coping skills for being okay!
Luckily, I have rejected drinking as a potential coping skill. Stepping off the path towards alcoholism has been slow. Finding myself okay with not being drunk is new. I feel more invigorated and stronger. I may feel naked and exposed right now, but I’m not hiding behind booze.
So, because of these things, I’m losing weight.
Please don’t tell me about it.
I need to hear about a piece of my art or writing that you liked. I need to hear that you value me as a friend. I need to hear that you care or that you love me. I need to hear that you’d like to spend time with me. I need to hear that you’re proud of me going back to school. I need to hear that you like my goddamn T shirt.
I don’t need to hear that I’m less fat. It makes no difference to my value as a human being, or, at least, I hope you think that way. I won’t be a better person if I’m 10 or 50 or 150 pounds lighter, and I’d hate to think that you’d give me a compliment based purely on being less offensive towards stereotypical beauty, or perceived potential health improvement.
I want people to be more conscious of the reasons that they say certain things, to truly evaluate why it might mean multiple things when you say something that seems relatively simple.
Be aware, there’s quite often more than meets the eye going on.
Rexicorn 
I disagree.
Not everyone who congratulates you on weight loss is making a superficial comment on beauty. It’s not all about outward appearance.
You’re right, there is nothing inherently bad or wrong with being any size. It’s taken me years of eating disorder therapy to realize that. The problem is that sometimes the extra weight is indicative of a problem, be it drinking, eating disorder, stress, etc. It’s a visual sign of being unhealthy. Again, not always, but as you indicated in your post, that applies to you.
Sometimes when someone compliments you on weight loss, they aren’t simply acknowledging your movement towards socially-acceptable standards of beauty. They are congratulating you on successfully taking steps towards better health. If they are also someone who struggled with weight, they understand how incredibly hard, frustrating, and stressful it can be not only to lose the weight, but to even muster the physical and mental energy required to make healthy choices.
I will congratulate you. Not because I care whether you’re the ‘right’ size, but because I see it as evidence of positive steps towards a healthy life. This is important to many of us because our physical health is inextricably linked to our mental health. And it’s a two way street. It’s hard to focus on being healthy when we’re in a dark place, but it’s equally detrimental to our mental health when we aren’t taking care of our bodies. This applies not just to the food we eat but also exercise, sleep, and stress levels. It’s all linked.
So congratulations, Amy. For making healthy choices. For taking crucial steps in the right direction. For working through life without antidepressants. And if these results in pants that are looser, that’s a bonus (and a good excuse to go shopping). It makes me happy to hear, and even happier that you’re writing about them.
stepping off soapbox now
**I’ll also go as far to say that within our circle of mutual friends, I sincerely doubt anyone who congratulates you on weight loss really cares what size you are. They care much, much more about your overall health, and probably see it, as I do, as indicative of you making healthy choices.
Denise
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