Today was interesting in the hellish sense.
Started with an 8 am appointment with a different therapist than usual, after having maybe four hours of sleep. She was really nice, and greatly supported the idea of the residential treatment. She’s also the woman that my mom was looking into seeing, and I’m so geeked at the idea of my mom finally agreeing to see a therapist that I will do nothing to stand in the way and will gladly drive farther to my old therapist again. 
Then I worked for my dad a little and called the insurance company and a couple providers. Still researching. I’m hoping to be in treatment by the middle of next week, but right now so much depends on other people getting back with me. In the meantime I’ll keep going to Intensive Outpatient, meaning I don’t get to sleep in tomorrow either. 😦
I got through work today with a dramatic use of chunking. I can make it til break. I can make it til lunch. I can make it til break. Then it got really rough towards the end of the day. Some physical ailments, increased anxiety, and fatigue were all adding up to my needing to make it a goal to get through one minute at a time. Then there were the head games. Oh, it’s 9:14. That’s practically 9:15 which is very nearly 9:20 which is almost 9:30 and then there’s only an hour left which you can take fifteen minutes out of for clean up and ten for shutting down the machine so you’re basically done already! 
I’m not promising that these are healthy behaviors. But it got me through the night, and I was fantasizing hard about leaving early, so I’m very proud of myself for working that whole shift. 
Now I’m snuggled up in bed with less than usual to complain about(my body is complaining though, and loudly).
I think I’ll try to sleep now. 
And I’m not gonna kill myself today.